Sexpire: A Sex-Positive Empire

Posts From Your Residential Amateur

Are You Fit Enough For Sex? June 14, 2009

Filed under: advice,General,Sex — deverton @ 2:11 pm
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No, this isn’t about weight. This is about fitness. I have always been a fit person, even though I have some junk in the trunk and fattic in the attic. You know those erection enhancer commercials that always warn “Make sure with your doctor that you are healthy enough for sex”? What is that about? Well, sex in itself is a workout! Sometimes, it can be a marathon. Or a triathlon, or heck, it can be the Olympics!

Now studies have shown that sex can burn calories, reduce stress, and help with muscle and joint pain. I also feel that there is a key componant to sex: you should work out once a week. Why once a week? Well, if you don’t feel you need to lose weight, commiting to a once a week thing should be a piece of cake. Just do it for thirty minutes. I know what you’re saying, “Dani, why are you telling me to work out? Do you want me to stop reading the blog post right now and work out?” Don’t feel I am lecturing you, hear me out. I think a small workout can improve your outlook on yourself. Many people complain of poor body image, but let me tell you, after a few bicep curls with my weights, I think I look damn fucking sexy. You will too! Here’s what I do:

Get a Wii Fit, now. It’s one of the most high-tech, interactive and FUN (yes, caps needed) piece of workout material I have ever worked with. I have DVDs upon DVDs of various workouts ranging from aerobics, bellydancing, yoga, kickboxing, and budokon and martial arts. None compare to the Wii Fit. What makes the Wii Fit better? It tracks your weight, progress, and workouts  for you, teaches you about your body, and even gives you an incentive to work out. You have to earn more credits (minutes) of working out to get all the material. You have a starter of five exercises per genre of workouts. You can choose from yoga, aerobics, strength training, and balance games.

Do enough exercise to earn 30 minutes (credits) and you’ll probably unlock a lot of stuff already for your next week workout! After you worked up a sweat (and you will, don’t let an innocent Nintendo fool you!), go take a cold rinse through your hair and look at yourself in the mirror. Don’t you feel sexy and happy? Maybe a little tired, sure, but damn, you’re glowing! You’re feeling better about yourself, accomplished, and like you’re on top of the world. According to the Mayo Clinic, exercise can increase oxygen in tissue and skin (that’s where that glow comes from!), relieve pain, and the endorphins sent out can relieve stress, anxiety, and depression. When you’re happy, you’ll want to have sex! No one wants to have sex when they’re depressed.

 

Communication: The Difference Between a Relationship and a Relationshit May 18, 2009

Filed under: General — deverton @ 3:00 pm
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Communication is necessary part of human function. However, various forms of language, words (and how they mean to an individual), are common predicaments in having good communication. In polyamory, that is needed the most. When two people are struggling for equal communicatory ground, how can one other person be invited in that with their own voice and needs? It ends up with a dangerously uneven balance of power and relationship.

Is communication really necessary? To put it bluntly, yes, it is needed. You can say you trust a person, but if they are disrespecting things you communicated previously (i.e: boundaries, certain fears, needs, etc), then in a small way that is chipping away at your trust. Especially if you are finding yourself growing resentful of it.

Recognize your own communication style. Are you a talker? Do you just like to get things on the table and leave it at that? Do you need feedback? Also, ask your partner to recognize their communication style. Do they need time to observe and evaluate their own feelings? If so, can they get back to you later? If you and your partner have vastly different communication styles, here’s what you can do:

First, you have to meet eachother in the middle. If your partner is a Quiet introspective processor, and you’re a Talker, agree to some of the following: The Quiet one will tell their Talker partner to give them time. The Talker will respect that and give them time. The Quiet one will then notify the Talker when zi is done introspecting, and able to let the Talker do their talking. During which if the Quiet would like to share their introspects with the Talker, that would be appreciated. If the Talker needs feedback, the Quiet one should either explain and/or reassure [in case of miscommunication] of what the intention was. Here’s some basic do’s and don’ts in relationships. I’ll be giving you homework at the end!

DO: Use I statements.

Example: “I feel hurt when you talk about how cute some other girl is.”

DON’T: Use negative, accusatory language.

Example: “You always talk about how hot other girls are.”

DO: Seperate your evaluations from your observations.

Example: “I see that you wait to study the night before an exam. This worries me,

because you end up stressed.”

DON’T: Use your evaluations instead of observations.

Example: “You are such a procrastinator, no wonder you’re stressed.”

DO: Listen.

DON’T: Interrupt.

DO: Use specific incidents, and explain your feelings.

Example: “I was feeling insecure, because I think those girls are prettier than me.

When you talked about them at the restaurant, it furthered my insecurity.”

DON’T: Be vague, and not know your own feelings.

Example: “All you do is say how pretty other girls are, you’re such a pig.”

DO: Let yourself feel your feelings. Be honest.

DON’T: Act differently than how you feel because you’re worried

about hurting your partner(s).

DO: Explain your feelings. Explain your needs.

Example: “I feel insecure, like I am ugly. I really would appreciate it

if you maybe gave me a compliment.”

DON’T: Assume your partner(s) know what you’re feeling,

and how they are supposed to react.

Example: “Why am I upset? Well, you know what you did. You

should be sorry!”

DO: Be clear about what you are saying.

Example: “These are my boundaries.”

DON’T: Let things become “no biggie”.

Example: “Well, my partner might have forgotten that this

act is going against my boundaries, or pushing my boundaries.

It’s okay if I don’t speak up.”

Two great books for you and your partner(s) to get are: “Nonviolent Communication” by Marshall B. Rosenberg Ph.D. and Barton Goldsmith‘s “Emotional Fitness for Couples” and/or “Emotional Fitness for Intimacy”. Please let yourself have a good, happy, and communicative relationship. Not a relationshit.